Home Waters

Home Waters

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Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.
I am haunted by waters.

- Norman Maclean "A River Runs Through It"

"Many a time have I merely closed my eyes at the end of yet another troublesome day and soaked my bruised psyche in wild water, rivers remembered and rivers imagined. Rivers course through my dreams, rivers cold and fast, rivers well-known and rivers nameless, rivers that seem like ribbons of blue water twisting through wide valleys, narrow rivers folded in layers of darkening shadows, rivers that have eroded down deep into a mountain's belly, sculpted the land. Peeled back the planet's history exposing the texture of time itself."
- Harry Middleton -

If you have wandered from place to place and year to year as I have then perhaps the only place that you call home is a bend in a river. A place returned to time and again so that it becomes the one constant in the random turmoil of life's existence. We become like the river which remains the same and yet is filled with constant slow change. Eventually the river becomes the depository of our life's history, marking and anchoring our ever changing lives. At each visit we deposit a portion of ourselves, a memory of who and what we have become at that nexus in our life. And those memories become one of the timeless rocks in the river that we can revisit and rest upon with each return. My bend in the river calls to me with increasing urgency the longer I am away. It fills me with the sounds of water and images of time past till I am compelled to return. This summer, I am going home...

And this time I will return, not alone, but with a new love as profound as the one I have for the river, the South Fork of the Rio Grande. And I will take her to that bend in the river, and share with her the "rocks" of my life. And we will leave a new stone in the water, in that bend in the river... that is home

-Phillip

And my life journey is reflected in the serene; a lake that has no bends or turns but deep roots and gentle ripples that have scarcely changed over time. Imbued with predictable tradition, my home and I remained constant through the peaks and valleys of my life. But oh how I’ve longed to wander, and to experience the mystery and spontaneity that the moving water proffers. In your home I will find a great passion for living, for change, and the courage to take a risk. And when you hang your hat in the place that I call home – it will never move on you again.
-Tammy

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And so it begins. The merging of two lives and two waters. The river runs into the lake and the lake emerges into the river in a never ending flow. We will make our home in both places, the bend in the river, the shore of the lake; and take inspiration, solace and comfort from each. As the waters of each place surround and nuture and support us so we will surround nurture and support and love each other. Oh yes, we will definitely love each other

-P & T

Chances Are

Chances Are

Bob Segar and Martina McBride

Chances are you'll find me
Somewhere on your road tonight
Seems I always end up driving by
Ever since I've known you
It seems you're on my way

All the rules of logic don't apply
I long to see you in the night
Be with you 'til morning light

I remember clearly how you looked
The night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me
Feel so at ease
I remember all your grace and your style

And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me

Chances are I'll see you
In my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer
All I have

You're the only one I can't forget
Baby you're the best I've ever met

And I'll be dreaming of the future
And hoping you'll be by my side
And in the morning I'll be longing for the night
For the night

Chances are I'll see you
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer
All I have

You're the only one I can't forget
Baby you're the best I've ever met.

Now, if you like, go listen to the song!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl7LdevJ71c

So what is this post about? As those of you who have read these posts have probably figured out, I am incurably romantic. I believe that it is love that makes us alive: love in all its ramifications; love of self first, love of others, friends, family, lovers and really everything, the world and life itself.

This verse captured me;

"I remember clearly how you looked
The night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me
Feel so at ease
I remember all your grace and your style

And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me"

Here's what that was like for me:

“"if we are connected now, how much more so will we be after we meet?" Now I know”

She took my hand, we touched and fantasy paled, fell away and became reality.
Our eyes held each other and could not look away,
Our hands moved of their own accord touching lightly, exploring,
Our lips touched, and we drew each other in.

Slowly pouring all our pent up passion into each other
Feeling the heat slowly rise between, melting us together into one being.
Then falling slowly apart, only to merge again and yet again
Finding overwhelming joy and peace in each other’s arms.

Till we were spent, drained, and yet we remained joined together still,
Breathing together, quietly marveling at the wonder the magic of it all
This was it, this was and is how it’s supposed to be, this is love in all its glory,
The culmination of two lives, two people finding each other for the first time.


“Still basking in the glow, the scent, the memory of you”

I left her, inhaling the scent of her, crushing my face into her hair,
Filling my hands with her, holding the scent and the memory of her.
And yet I have not left her, every moment is now different for she is always there,
There within and now a part of me, we are still one

and will always be so

Everyone take a deep breathe now! OK? Good. I talked of fantasy and imagining a relationship in my last post. If you are incredibly lucky, the reality of meeting that person for the first time can be overwhelming as it was for me. The fantasy pales in face of what god has sent you in the form of another person and you discover there really is a heaven on earth.

And your life is then irrevocably changed.

IMAGINE

IMAGINE!

One of the beauties of meeting online is that your imagination plays a much larger role in the event. your imagination imbues the conversation with color and light based on your reaction to the words on the screen. Our response to the words creates pictures in our mind. A virtual fantasy surrounding the conversation. A construct that can be achingly beautiful.

Imagine

“but your words clung to my heart for days and I had to return”

A gentle soul, I first held her in my imagination,
like a butterfly that for some strange reason
chose to alight upon my out-stretched hand and stayed, gently fanning her wings.
I held my breath, afraid that she might fly away for ever
And yet…she remained.

Listen

“Yes, ready to listen and talk and share. Help me begin.”

She remained. She share her pain, her hurt, her hopes her dreams, her desires…
I listened and shared as well of similar affairs of the heart and spirit
And deep down in my heart felt the first glimmerings of a connection,
And a hope that this might be more than a conversation.
And still…she remained

Vision

“Here is a glimpse into me”

She said not of me, but into me. A vision in blue
A nymph clothed, yet in my mind barely so.
A face, a voice, and yet so much more, a real, whole, complete woman
Staring out at me beckoning me to come in, to come home.
And secretly…she remained

Fantasy

“Last night was like a dream, a lovely one”

And then, oh then it was all in, every chip she owned, every card on the table
Every moment of the past laid out for me to see, to understand.
And she waited as soft as a butterfly, gentle as the breeze,
Waited on my outstretched hand,
And fearlessly…I remained


I took her hand, held her close, bid the past adieu and be gone
And it was swept away like dust in the wind.
I carried her off into the night, left all the pain behind
And together we made a new beginning, forged a new moment of joy

and only.....we remained

And so it began for us, and so it continues

I built a beautiful fantasy, a butterfly that became a woman

a woman that became more real than I imagined.