Touch

I have been thinking a lot about touch. Touch is one of the 5 primary senses, It is our physical connection to our environment. We touch not only with our hands but also with almost every surface of our body. (the only thing I can think of that doesn't have superficial nerve endings is our teeth). Touch provides us one of our most important connections to the world, it tells us about texture, density, and so much more.

But, what I am interested in exploring is our need psychologically and spiritually to touch and be touched.

When I was younger, much much younger, I use to talk about the "The warm body principle"; which means 2 warm bodies would rather be together than apart. And that line occasionally worked! But even that is a learned response. When I first started to sleep with others as a young man I couldn't sleep. The presence of the other person(a woman) was disconcerting and I couldn't sleep. Now, after 2 marriages over 25 yrs, I do not like to sleep alone. I need the presence of someone else to truly relax and let go.

After I was divorced the last time, I went a long time alone and I became increasingly lonely so much so I welcomed my cats when they occasionally slept on the bed with me. The occasional hug at work was a blessing.

When I was younger the psychological need for touch was primarily associated with sex, it was about taking much more than giving. But in my work I was also learning about therapeutic touch; the power of touch to comfort and heal in a non sexual way. The giving aspect of touch. They actually did studies on therapeutic touch but the results were inconclusive. This may be true for physical ailments but I think that therapeutic touch may be helpful in some psychological problems though I have no data to support this notion.

Since I entered recovery I have rediscovered touch, particularly non-sexual touch. It was initially about shaking hands and hugs both with men and women. I learned how reconnecting with others was important. It felt great particularly early on in my recovery to shake hands, to give hugs, to get hugs as I was also recovering from the desperate loneliness of active alcoholism. Incredibly, that was almost 5 years ago.

Touch is one of the many ways we connect to each other both physically and spiritually. I think it is also something we need on a regular basis, like air and water. I know that that is true for me. And it is not just about receiving but it is also about giving. Early on in recovery I would force myself, when feeling low, to get up before the meeting and shake the hands of people coming in and give hugs to those who wanted them. I remembered how important it felt to me to be greeted and welcomed when I entered a meeting room and I wanted, needed, to give back as it lifted my spirits as I hope it did theirs.

I am also learning how touch connects me to the people I love. I am talking about non-sexual touching. I am talking about touching that comforts, and connects us to others and expresses to them in non-verbal ways how much they mean to us and how important they are.

As I intimated in a previous blog, I find god in the connections we have to each other and that each of us contains a spark of "the god within". Those connections are both spiritual and physical. When we touch to comfort, to be comforted, to reassure, to be reassured, to express love and to receive it in return we are "touching" god.

So today, reach out, touch someone, Spend some time touching the one you love. Try to transmit to them through touch how important they are to you and how much you care for them. Let your fingers do the talking.

Peace Phillip

Purpose

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

from T.S. Elliot "The four quatrains" from part 4 "the little gidding.

I have, and perhaps you do as well, continued life's journey in a search for meaning. Looking for truth, and purpose in the present and perhaps the future. But I have learned as TS Eliot so eloquently states is that we are really looking to explain and understand and find meaning in our pasts. To know it, to truly understand it for the first time.

And in that understanding ( or lack of same) we find a deeper truth.

Whether we "know" it or not, we cannot change where we started. We cannot change the past.

Which brings us back to the present.

And in our new knowledge "All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well"

Particularly if we can merge the fire of our past with the rose of our present.

..into one